The Current Conversation Between the Canadian Public, and Michael Ignatieff (with his "Brilliant Tactician")

Michrran Kinsatief: Stephen Harper caused the global recession.

Canadian Public: What?

Michrran Kinsatief: You heard me, Stephen Harper caused the global recession.

Canadian Public: Uh.. don't you think you're over-stating your case there a little, I mean, what did he have to do with the fall of AIG and the mortgage crisis in the U.S.?

Michrran Kinsatief: Well, I taught at Harvard, for goodness sake, so, don't you think I should know better than a bunch of herbivorian boyscouts? And I have lived in the U.S. - it's not like I've been in Canada for any period of time, so, I would think I would know a little about the world. Did I mention that my family comes from Russian aristocracy?

Canadian Public: Uh, no I don't believe you.

Michrran Kinsatieff: It's true, look it up! My family were Russian aristocrats..

Canadian Public: No,no, no.. I mean, I don't believe you that Stephen Harper caused the global recession.

Michrran Kinsatief: It's true. Because I say so. And he's driven up the deficit when he said he wouldn't!

Canadian Public: You told him to run it up, or you'd bring down the government.

Michrran Kinsatief: He's consorting with socialists and separatists!

Canadian Public: You're party did the same thing..

Michrran Kinsatief: He's appointing all his party supporters to the Senate and to the Courts!

Canadian Public: You're party did the same thing.

Michrran Kinsatief: He's refusing to create a Universal daycare program?

Canadian Public: Didn't you just complain about the deficit?

Michrran Kinsatief: What? What does that have to do with daycare?

Canadian Public: Well, how much is Universal daycare going to cost?

Michrran Kinsatief: Oh, only about 10 billion dollars.. a pittance, really.

Canadian Public: How much will it really cost?

Michrran Kinsatieff: I just told you!

Canadian Public: Yeah, and your party told us gun control would cost $119 million,and then you spent $1 BILLION. Pardon us if we're a little skeptical.

Michrran Kinsatieff: Trust us.

Canadian Public: No.

Michrran Kinsatieff: Why?

Canadian Public: Oh, I don't know, maybe it has something to do with the money your party defrauded from us in the Sponsorship fiasco, and, I've heard another appointee of your previous leader just got charged with taking even more taxpayer dollars.

Michrran Kinsatieff: Did I mention Stephan Harper caused the global recession?

Canadian Public: Yes.. oh, by the way, now that the recession seems to be ending, is Stephen Harper also responsible for that?

Michrran Kinsatieff: No. That's just global forces at work. Nothing to do with Harper. By the way, he's against abortion, don't you know.

Canadian Public: Whatever, so we're tired of hearing your complaints.. how about something positive. What will you do for Canada if YOU are Prime Minister?

Michrran Kinsatieff: Did I mention Harper is refusing to help terrorists come back to Canada?

Canadian Public: Stop avoiding the question.. what are YOU going to do?

Michrran Kinsatieff: Well.. I told you I went to Harvard.

Canadian Public: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?!?

Michrran Kinsatieff: I'm going to support the establishment of the G20?

Canadian Public: Harper already did that. He actually announced the next meeting already arranged to take place in Canada.

Michrran Kinsatieff: Did I tell you Harper is a Christian?

Canadian Public: So?

Michrran Kinsatieff: So - ask him about Darwin and evolution.

Canadian Public: Uh.. No. Tell me about your plans.

Michrran Kinsatieff: Well, I plan on moving into 24 Sussex Drive, I plan on having lots of cool parties with important people. I plan on getting lots of pictures of me with Barack Obama (that I don't have to pay for).. I plan on writing another book about how great being PM is..

Canadian Public: NO. What are you going to do for us?

Michrran Kinsatieff: Who are you again?

Canadian Public: Your electorate, the people of Canada?

Michrran Kinsatieff: Oh. What was the question again?

Canadian Public: Never mind.