Oscars. Nice and Safe. Just like our Brave New World.

"I see dull people."

Weren't the Academy Awards swell last night?

Hollywood's version of handing out participation ribbons dragged on for several hours of, well, tedium.

They made sure they covered both genders in handing over the hosting reins to James Franco and Anne Hathaway, who were, well, safe - if not interminably boring. 

Not taking any chances on some cheeky comic like Ricky Gervais.

Then they brought out the plastic-faced senior citizen, Kirk Douglas, and made a big show of how broad minded they were when Kirk Douglas made a valiant effort, but failed, in speaking intelligibly through the results of his stroke and age..  let's be honest, he looked hideous and no one understood about half of what he was saying.

And in response Anne Hathaway fanned herself, implying that she was all a-twitter over Kirk's overtures towards her.

Really, Anne?

Isn't his son, Michael Douglas, being with Catherine Zeta-Jones creepy enough?

The only scandalous moment of the whole evening was when Melissa Leo won for best supporting actress, during a bit of a rambling acceptance speech, blurted out, "When I watched Kate two years ago, it looked so fucking easy."

Oooh.

So edgy.

This is it, readers.  The "Brave New World", where everything is, well..  safe.  And nice.  And predictable.

Did anyone for a moment consider that Colin Firth wasn't going to win for his part in the "Stuttering King?"

Did anyone for a moment imagine that Natalie Portman wasn't going to win for her part in the "Psycho Ballet Dancer"?

Ho.

Hum.

And such is the stuff of that great liberal messenger to the world, Hollywood.  If you want to know what society will be like if we give in whole-heartedly to small "l" liberal sensibilities.. just watch a re-broadcast of last night's Academy Awards.

Me?  I'll be watching Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan . 

Hollywood as it "really" is, not as it pretends to be.

**P.S.  A big screw-you to the Academy for ignoring Canadian Corey Haim in the "In Memoriam" section of the evening, while assuring that they recognized no-body-knows-them people like Ronni Chasen...  a publicist.

They love it when actors pretend to be drug-abusing, self-destructive rebels..  but they can't deal with it when it happens in real life.

Charlie Sheen on Two-and-a-Half Men - love it.
Charlie Sheen on crack with porn stars on his arms.. unacceptable.