Homeland Security Announces Hearings on Radical Mormons

The Face of Radical Mormonism

In a sudden change of course, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security has recently announced a major shift in their investigative division, undertaking wide-spread examination and investigation of increased radicalization of Mormons.

In response to complaints from Kim Kardashian and Mike Tyson, the Committee on Homeland Security has shifted it's hearings to concentrate on the growing threat of Mormon radicals.

While admitting that the vast majority of terrorist acts against Americans have been committed in the name of radical Islam, Chairman of the Committee on Homeland Security, Peter King, acknowledged that continuing to focus FBI and CIA attention on the interplay between Al Quaeda abroad and efforts to radicalize members of the Muslim faith in North America was creating an "atmosphere of hostility" towards the Muslim church which was seen as "unacceptable" by the President.

When queried as to why the Mormon Church was chosen for their new focus, King advised that the White House was feeling great pressure from members of the gay and lesbian communities who felt that the President had not been as supportive of their cause as they had expected, and that taking the Church to task was seen as a helpful move in light of the Mormon support for Proposition 8 in California which banned marriage of same-sex couples.  "The Mormon's pissed off a big part of the Democratic demographic, and now they're are going to pay the price", stated the President's Press Secretary, Jay Carney.

In response to the implication that there was a growing threat from radical Mormons, South Park Trey Parker was asked whether he had fear that he might be targeted for execution by the LDS Church as a result of South Park's repeated ridicule of the Mormon Faith and the musical production, "The Book of Mormon" opening this month on Broadway.  "Well, we haven't yet heard any fatwa's being issued from Salt Lake City calling on all good Mormon's to kill us and our publishers" said Parker, and, in fact, after a preview showing he said he was surprised that members of the Church approached him and were quite cordial and positive.

Said, Matt Stone, South Park's co-creator, "Oddly enough, it seems that the Mormons have a quiet security about their faith, and that they don't react irrationally and violently to those who question it.."


(P.S. - this is called "Satire" for those who may have suffered a "humourectomy")