Michael Ignatieff: Welcome to Wonderland - The Story of the Mock Turtle

The Mock Turtle

Well.

Michael Ignatieff has his wish, an election is on the way.

No big deal.

Three hundred million dollars.  I mean, what else would we do with that money?

And, as the election commences, in which it is almost a certainty that the Conservatives will win another government, Michael Ignatieff begins spitting out nonsensical promises that sound nice, but are devoid of substance.  Coming out of the gate, as reported in the Globe today, Michael gives us the following:

“We stick [the corporate tax rate] at 18 per cent, you save $6-billion, you pay down the deficit and you make the specific targeted investments in our platform.”

Well, first problem that Stephen Gordon notes is that the current corporate tax rate is actually 16.5%.

So.. he's not talking about holding the tax rate (that he supported), he's talking about raising taxes.

In the middle of a still struggling economic recovery.

But then again, in Michael's Wonderland, up means down, and down means up.. so to him, it makes perfect sense. 

I can't do better than Stephen Gordon does in showing how Michael's plan actually REDUCES revenue to the government, so I encourage reading the whole of his article.  To simplify.  Corporate tax cuts increase revenue in the long run.  And corporate tax increases reduce government income, and, when coupled with added Liberal spending, mean an even greater increase in our deficit.

But that doesn't matter to Michael Ignatieff.

Michael's math, apparently, has come from his training like the Mock Turtle in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.. where the four branches of arithmetic are, Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.'


For those of you perhaps not conversant with Michael Ignatieff's prior life growing up as the Mock Turtle, I paraphrase his story, (with apologies to Lewis Carroll):

So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with large eyes full of tears, but said nothing.


`This here young lady,' said the Gryphon, `she wants for to know your history, she do.'


`I'll tell it her,' said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow tone: `sit down, both of you, and don't speak a word till I've finished.'


So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice thought to herself, `I don't see how he can EVEN finish, if he doesn't begin.' But she waited patiently.


`Once,' said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, `I was a real Turtle.'


`When we were little,' the Mock Turtle went on at last, more calmly, though still sobbing a little now and then, `my family had nothing, so my brother and I had to go to an expensive private school, called Lower Canada College. The master was an old Turtle--we used to call him Tortoise--'


`Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?' Alice asked.


`We called him Tortoise because he taught us,' said the Mock Turtle angrily: `really you are very dull!'


`You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple question,' added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and looked at poor Alice, who felt ready to sink into the earth. At last the Gryphon said to the Mock Turtle, `Drive on, old fellow! Don't be all day about it!' and he went on in these words:


`Yes, we went to school at Lower Canada College, though you mayn't believe it--'


`..because your family had nothing!' interrupted Alice.


`They didn't!' said the Mock Turtle.


`Hold your tongue!' added the Gryphon, before Alice could speak again. The Mock Turtle went on.


`We had the best of educations--in fact, we went to school every day--'


`I'VE been to a day-school, too,' said Alice; `you needn't be so proud as all that.'


`a PRIVATE school?' asked the Mock Turtle a little condescendingly?


`No,' said Alice, `just a public school like most other children.'


`A public school?' said the Mock Turtle.


`Yes, a public school!' said Alice indignantly.


`Ah! then yours wasn't a really good school,' said the Mock Turtle in a tone of great relief. `Now at OURS they had at the end of the bill, "French, music, and FINANCE."'


`You couldn't have wanted it much,' said Alice; `your family having nothing.'


`We couldn't afford not to learn it.' said the Mock Turtle with a sigh. `I took all the regular courses.'


`What was that?' inquired Alice.


`Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,' the Mock Turtle replied; `and then the different branches of Arithmetic-- Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.'

And, so, as Michael grew up, left Canada to find a better place to house his ego, he refined and developed his sensibilities, but never forgot that basic lesson learned as the Mock Turtle.

That in responding to the financial concerns of the citizens of Canada, the best response, is not a question of addition and subtraction - but is answered with Ambition, Distraction, Uglification and Derision.

And such ends the story of Michael the Mock Turtle.

Ok.