Brent Seabrook: The Face of the New
National Ringette League
CP: Responding to a growing call from smug liberal Canadians who have never played the game of hockey - and from frightened sheep-like sportscommentators who are afraid of them - the NHL is announcing that, beginning next season, they will take steps to finally introduce a game which all Canadians can play safely and which can be viewed by even the most pantywaisted fan.
Commencing in the fall of 2011 will be introduce the National Ringette League, according to sources close to current NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman.
Among the rules, most obviously, will be the removal of hockey sticks and the traditional hard rubber hockey puck - in favor of the softer and slower ringette ring.
Along with the change in the equipment will be introduced a strict no-contact policy, where any body contact will result in an immediate expulsion from the league.
"It's our opinion," said Bettman, "that we are truly missing out on our ability to capitalize on the latte-drinking portion of the public, which finds most traditional sports to be gauche and, generally, in poor taste."
As part of the NRL effort to re-brand itself, the Hockey Hall of Fame will be removing from it's roster Scott Stevens, Mark Messier, Cam Neely - and basically, everyone admitted before 2007.
2 comments:
As I always say to my soccer loving workmates here in Germany, "If it isn't played on ice, and no blood flows, it really isn't a sport".
My kids played soccer.. and based upon the new paradigm in hockey that seems to be on the way.. it may well be that soccer fans will start, rightfully, referring to hockey as a poofter sport
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